> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://things-i-never-said.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Part 2: “I know you didn't mean to.” - URL: https://things-i-never-said.ghost.io/part-2-i-know-you-didnt-mean-to/ - Published: 2026-09-29T19:24:58.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-29T19:24:58.000Z - Description: When intention and impact collide, even a heartfelt apology can't always heal the hurt. A personal look at resentment, misunderstanding and loving each other through the difficult bits. - Author: Shannon Brookes - Tags: Ramblings, ADHD-Relationships, Resentment, Mental-health, Personal-Essay **Intent versus impact** I know you didn’t mean to BUT… it’s probably the most often said sentence and always the most stifled in our house. He waits for it, you can see the expectant disappointment framing his sad face. Then it arrives… you still did it. There it is, loud and proud in the room – he becomes the arsehole for doing it, and I’m an even bigger one for mentioning it, and it begins… the difficult conversations of intent versus impact. He may concede in the end, he may even deliver the heartfelt apology. I willingly accept it, but still I hurt. In his eyes, the sorry was enough, he recognised it and he moved on. I am healing old wounds and covering scars of actions before, and each time they cut a little deeper. Still, I love him, and still I wish it was easier for him and… for me. Who is the villain here? Is there one? I blame him, he blames me, and ADHD is having a fucking field day in the background, quietly at play, and neither of us have given it a second thought because RESENTMENT has just bowled in from last week’s argument, and that wants to join the party. Banging on about ‘’you used the last tea bag’’, who forgot to pay the rent, and that it was our anniversary last week but we were too busy arguing. Resentment turns to pain, and with pain brings silence. It’s not the peaceful kind either, the kind that comforts and quietly softens your surroundings. It’s the type that leeches energy from your bones, that creates a thick smog of bitter words and nasty comments. It presses in on you, you’re sat in the same room but you may as well be on separate planets. I sit there and replay every last word, facial expression and write the narrative that best suits my hurt. At some point, it stops mattering if it’s even accurate because there have been so many situations previously. If he hasn’t done it tonight, he has done it before. All the while… he is sat with the same sentence on repeat: “When will I be enough? I didn’t mean for it to be like this.” Suddenly, we’re not having the same argument anymore, we’re both thinking we are being misunderstood. It’s probably the worst bit about it because I don’t want to be right, and I don’t want him to be wrong. I don’t want to win, I want to stop hurting each other. That’s the thing about resentment, it doesn’t care what started the argument. And perhaps that's where I become part of the problem too. I'm no longer listening to what he's actually saying. I’m waiting for the bit that confirms what I already believe. That I'm not being heard or even remotely considered. Despite all the conversations we've had, we're right back here where we fucking started! While I'm busy building my case, he's sitting there building his too. But his case isn't about the tea bag or the rent or the anniversary and the umpteen million things he also hasn’t done – his is about me. About the way I look at him and the tone of my voice as the disappointment in me oozes out in every last, condescending syllable, he can hear before I've even finished speaking. And then there it is again, that awful question that seems to sit underneath everything: **When will I ever be enough for you?** ***Sometimes the apology is genuine, the love is real, and the hurt still remains.*** *If you’re still here, perhaps you’d like another little wander through Shannon’s words.* [**Part 1** \- **How Many Times Do I Have to Ask?** ](https://things-i-never-said.ghost.io/how-many-times-do-i-have-to-ask/) *The other side of living with ADHD, and what happens to the person on the other side.* [**Things I Never Said**](https://things-i-never-said.ghost.io/things-i-never-said/) *For everything that stays in your head until you finally decide to let it out.* [**Keep reading Shannon's words →**](https://things-i-never-said.ghost.io/) *— Shannon x*